Children God's Gift

I was struck recently as the Lord had me share with a client that some step-grandchildren who had been brought into his life were redemption of his very painful childhood.  I shared with him Psalm 127 "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." and Matthew 18:5 "And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;" to show my client that God's view was different from his.  I have recently been cut to the heart by both passages as I realized that my view of my own children is far below God's.  I love my children dearly (Megan is 9 years old and Joshua is 6 years old).  As these passages were being revealed there was a deep pain as I realized that at times I have seen my children as a burden and a source of pain. Because Joshua and Megan touches the places in my heart where I was not fathered, I have at times seen them as a source of pain and withdrawn.  I have loved and embraced them deeply, yet a part of my heart pushes away because of the pain.  I decided I would share my life story with my daughter, take responsibility for how I have sinned against her out of my pain, ask her for forgiveness, and finally bless her.  Megan was shocked to hear that my father had committed suicide, she has known for a long time that he died when I was young.  The Lord is challenging my heart to see that through my children He is doing a wonderful work of healing and grace in me and in them.  Megan and Joshua will benefit if I am willing to humble myself to reveal my true heart because the word tells me "...for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble."  (1 Peter 5:5).  Megan and Joshua are often the trigger to these painful places in my life but they are not the source of my hurt.  Every opportunity to step into a place as a loving father, where I did not receive this type of fathering is a place of God's manifest grace.  Yet I am afraid I have backed away from these painful places often because I did not see what God was doing in my life.  I have sought God's healing grace in my life through much prayer, receiving ministry, going to conferences, and going to retreats but one of God's main ways of healing me (through my own family) I did not fully embrace.  I have had glimpses of this revelation but then gone back to my old view, it would have been great to embrace this before having children.  In Proverbs 13:22 it says, "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children."  I must believe that some of the work that the Lord is doing in me will not only benefit my children but especially be an inheritance for my grandchildren.  Redemption is often painful, yet it is the life that Jesus has given us because He is the Redeemer and He is in us.  When we agree with Him and walk in the revealed truth He gives us then we experience His nature in us.  I have fought this battle under the surface for many years, between my view of my own family and God's.  I choose today to fully embrace God's view which is bringing about redemption, rather than my view of pain and death.  This is how I can display the love of God to my children and grandchildren (who will be born some day).  I know that I am fully dependent on the indwelling Holy Spirit and the flow of grace to see this work accomplished.

In His Redemptive Love,
Bret