Need of a Father

Life is a journey that everyone is understanding as they go, no person on this earth has it all figured out yet we seem to act as though we do. I am so thankful for the God/man Jesus who showed us how to live as a son rightly related to the Father through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. As I continue through the rawness of my need for a Father, I realize this is not for discouragement but for the joy of discovering the Father. As God works in us through the Holy Spirit to reveal more of who He is and who we are, these revelations are building one on another. In 1 Peter it talks about us being built up as living stones on the chief cornerstone of Christ, these living stones are being built up through the revealing of God's amazing grace "in Christ" and seeing who we are. I believe that since Jesus pointed to the revelation of the Father as being His purpose on earth, that see the Father for who really is a big deal. There are times in my life where I hit these potholes where I feel lost, overwhelmed, and in a sense of darkness. I am now beginning to see it is because I am looking for a father but only find emptiness, darkness, and no direction. These are the very experiences that can lead me to the Father's arms if I will choose to see these as a Divine Opportunities, instead of focusing on my own inadequacies or weaknesses. It is definitely not my first reaction to rejoice in the midst of these times, yet I believe this is what the Lord is calling me to choose. We don't often believe Jesus when He says "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 5:3). Our society looks down on those who are in need but elevates the strong, the capable, the in control, and the ones who appear to have it together. Even in our churches we have pity on those who are in need looking down on them from a high position, yet those are the very ones Jesus said are blessed. I believe a major block to encountering a revelation of the Father is the carnal mindset on my wounds thus seeing Him through the eyes of hurt my earthly father caused. As I close this post I want to share a testimony of the goodness of the Father that is fresh off the presses, I just got a call from a man I talked with yesterday. This man was struggling because he had just lost his job, needed to pay rent, and needed $70 for a bus pass. This man was short the money to pay for the bus pass. In the past I would have sympathized with him and even prayed for him but not known what to say. The Lord gave me a word for him and that was that generosity breaks the spirit of poverty, thus he needed to ask God for seed to sow to see the $70 harvest. I think he thought I was a little nuts, I prayed for him and got off the phone. The man calls the next day to praise God, he went to church sowed a seed (he thought was too big). Then he just happen to see a former boss and he shared about sowing the seed. This former boss pulled out his wallet and $100 bill giving it to him. This man not only got his $70 but even more of a blessing. I pray that this man doesn't miss the revelation of the Father in the midst of the Spirit manifesting (Ezekiel 39:29). This is a small picture of the generosity and goodness of the Father to His sons and daughters. He knows our needs and intimately cares about us, if we will only believe His covenant tapping into His marvelous grace.

For His Kingdom,
Bret

Gut Punch

I have been writing about my journey into knowing the Father as Abba, this presents many barriers, walls, and darkness in me to be overcome by His love. I had recently received prayer ministry from a fellow brother in Christ, he led me into a place that the Lord had exposed in my heart of pain from loneliness, emptiness, and sadness. The Lord began to reveal the barriers that were in the way to encountering His presence. He began to reveal that this deep loneliness was connected to losing my dad to suicide when I was only 6 years old. It had been very difficult for my mom to go through since they were also separated for about 4 years before even though they were still technically married. She would often get overwhelmed with her own emotions so tending to shut down mine because of her own pain. I have often heard it said you can't lead someone into a place you have never been. The result was I learned how to wall off my pain and sadness but quickly became isolated, full of self-pity, and basically swallowed by the great sadness. I knew somewhere in my heart that I needed to just weep but somehow could not connect with the overwhelming emotions, due to years of learning how to suppress, stuff, and wall off this pain. As the Lord revealed that He would comfort me in my mourning, I began to sense deep pain welling up. This was what I had always longed for to be accepted in my deepest grief and loss. In reading a book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge I was reminded that the deepest wounds for a boy usually come from his father. I have been hurt deeply by my mother but because a father speaks into the deepest parts of a boy's heart about his identity my dad's decision to take his life has been much more devastating. The walls and barriers in my heart were coming down and the raw sadness was beginning to leak out like green slime from behind these walls. I was lead by the Lord to dig up a black briefcase from the 1970s, it had that familiar musty smell. This briefcase is like the Shack in the book "The Shack", it represents so much of my pain and loss. In the briefcase are letters, writings, tapes of my dad's sermons, pictures, and even yearbooks. As I sat down late at night to open up this briefcase along with places in my heart that are often locked up, I was struck by the similarity of my dad's struggles to my own dark night of the soul. I had more compassion for him than I had in the past, he like me was a soul in need of salvation and saving. My dad clearly wrestled with wounds from an overprotective mother and absent father who was involved in community affairs and the business world. As I began to shuffle through the contents of this old briefcase, I read a brief autobiography he wrote. He realized he was a man born in privilege and blessing, yet he seemed to resent this in light of the suffering and the little others had. As I read another letter addressed to my mom and I (a suicide note); I felt as if I had been punched in the gut as these words settled in "What I am about to do will probably disrupt if not destroy your lives (mine and my mom) - I really hope not but I don't much see how it can help doing it." This letter was written before his suicide in 1975, the single event which created ripple effects through my entire life. The words touched something so deep inside that hurt beyond description, yet I knew I must go there to receive the healing touch of the Lord I so longed for. I still at times find it hard to understand why we must revisit our deepest pains for healing but there is no other way, even today I heard of wounded soldiers returning to Iraq to visit the battlefield in hopes this would provide some healing. Another line in the letter hit me deeply as well, "Good luck and always know that I loved you both (mom and I) very much in my own perverted way." I realize I wasn't looking for the perfect father, I have so deeply just wanted his presence throughout my life in the good times and the hard times. My father did love me even though he was about ready to do something that would put that love in question. Just because my father was deceived and led down the path of death and darkness, does not mean he didn't love me deeply. I see that my struggles with my earthly father's love has distorted my view of my Heavenly Father's love. I expect the Heavenly Father to love me but eventually abandon me and not be with me when it really matters. I am so thankful that as I see who my earthly father is, the Holy Spirit is revealing the difference between my earthly father and the Father of Glory. The last line of my father's letter is so striking "Bret- fight back if you can always- it's the only way." I am not totally sure how to receive these words, I have been called a tenderhearted warrior by those who know my journey. My dad was involved in starting a communion in the early 1970s seeking a type of utopia and a revolution as he called it (I believe of love). Yet this revolution was not centered on Christ but my dad's own version of love, including ideas of the late 60's and early 70's (hippie/free love culture). I believe what my dad most deeply wanted but didn't understand was the manifestation of the Kingdom of God in the Body of Christ, a place where King Jesus brings His love, power, freedom, and life manifested in His people. My father had been a born-again believer but seemed to wander after being in Seminary. I still feel that the Holy Spirit is sorting things out in my heart and giving me a revelation of my Heavenly Father. Are you willing to go through what it requires to know the Father, not from a distance but up close? I believe knowing Him is what we were created for.

In the Father's Arms,
Bret

Knowing the Father

I recently realized that I don't know the Father as I would like to, I have a different functional view of Him than Jesus. Since my dad committed suicide when I was 6 years old, I have been longing for a father and only my Heavenly Father can fill this place. Fathers give perspective in life, lend wisdom and guidance, protect, provide strength, commitment, encourage growth, and stability to a family. There are times I am painfully aware of the emptiness that I perceived a father would have filled, yet I know that my desire can really only be filled by the perfect Father. As I hear so many clients and friends talk about their fathers, I realize that the place in my heart that desires a father can't possibly be filled by a human. I am in the unique place, out of a desperate need, to come to know the Father in an intimate way. I have already learned that the Father's Kingdom, unlike this world, is one of an abundance of love, provision, forgiveness, and hope. There is enough in the Father's Kingdom for everyone who will receive His gifts of grace and love. I know these things as I have read about His Kingdom and at times I have experienced these, yet an intimate relationship is through experience. This is in such contrast to my earthly father's influence, which included rejection, abandonment, absence, emptiness, loneliness, poverty, fear, and a lack of joy. When I look at what I experienced growing up this seems to fit more of the Enemy's influence (the father of Lies), than the influence of the One True Heavenly Father. Since Jesus is the perfect representation of the Father, we see that everywhere Jesus went He brought the Kingdom of His Father which was a realm of grace, acceptance, love, peace, faith, joy, and freedom. Jesus did not bring fear where He went except to those who had more investment in the kingdom of this world (religious or political). Also something very uncomfortable about the Father displayed in Jesus is that He was willing for those around Him to be exposed. Jesus calls out those who are around Him, not for the purpose of embarrassment but for restoration. It seems that the only way to heal is go through the painful experience of exposure and being vulnerable. The rich young ruler gets exposed, the Pharisees are exposed, the woman at the well is exposed, the woman caught in adultery is exposed, and Peter in the midst of his pride and fear is exposed. It seems that this Father is not looking for nice facades but authentic faith which comes by encountering His grace in the most wounded places of our hearts. Religion hides wounds behind right behavior, rules, and appearances of righteousness. If we believe that Jesus is the perfect expression of the Father, then we have a Father who's love exposes to heal. This is scary if our earthly father exposed us to shame us, to make himself look good, or allowed us to stay hidden because this is how he lived his life. I also see that the Father is the one who lovingly oversees our growth and transformation into the likeness of Christ. This is a new adventure for me even though the Lord has been birthing this desire deep in my heart to truly know the Father intimately. Being in ministry and also being raised in a female dominated household, I find partnering with the Holy Spirit more natural. The Holy Spirit like the wind is not predictable, yet like the wind brings about change. Do you know the Father as Abba or does He seem distant, disconnected, angry, or overbearing? Maybe the Holy Spirit is leading you to an introduction of the Father?

In His Love,
Bret

Finding Joy

My wife made the comment that so few people have joy, including believers. We had just watched a movie where Meryll Streep played Julia Childs. Julia Childs was portrayed as this woman full of passion, love, joy, humor, and a certain abandon. My wife, Julie, set out to be a joyful person. She already has quite a head start on me anyway, her disposition tends to be one of being light-hearted. I know no one on the earth who knows that would describe me as light-hearted. I am so thankful to be married to her, because having two serious and intense people married to each other would make for quite a home atmosphere. In 1 Thessalonians 5:16 we are exhorted to "...Rejoice always;", we cannot do this without the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. Joy is a Fruit of the Spirit, not a happy face you put on to cover up the hardship or difficulty in life. Having been raised in a home atmosphere of fear, anxiety, burden, discouragement, despair, failure, and hopelessness joy does not come naturally to me. I was once told by a godly woman that joy is a powerful weapon. In the New Covenant we have so much to rejoice about since we have been given everything "in Christ". Happiness tends to be fleeting because it is tied to happenings and let's be honest not any of us have perfect happenings. Besides the search for happiness makes us so aware of this earthly realm that we are apt to control everything around us or wish we could. So given that I don't have a natural propensity towards being a joyful person, it must be who I am as a new creature. God has some work cut out for Him to transform me into a joyful person. I know I have a propensity (fleshly) towards seriousness, intensity, discouragement, and depression. Much of what I received from my earthly family, my father struggled with depression til he finally committed suicide when I was 6 years old. Yet I am in a new family, this is in the dance of the Trinity and among God's people. So my prayer is open my spiritual eyes to see Your joy over me and your joy within through the Holy Spirit. This will truly be a miracle since it is totally contrary to the natural man. I know a big part is changing my thinking because I always learned how to lament and worry about the next challenge coming up. If you are always concerned for the future it robs you from enjoying the moment, each moment can be so rich when we are alive to God's presence and His work around us. Also I have found that perfectionism robs joy because it is easy to see how things could be better. I am so thankful that things in Heaven are perfect, complete, and brilliant. So if I keep my mind set on things above then I can always rejoice in what is beyond my expectations. I don't believe perfectionism is wrong just misdirected, we all have an inward sense that things are not as they were supposed to be ( a memory of the Garden of Eden). I am realizing that in order to find true joy I am going to need to become aware of the reality of being "in Christ" on a moment by moment basis, this is not something I can do in my own power but by the Holy Spirit. I need to have my mind renewed to see the reality of the Kingdom of God on an ongoing basis. As I reflect on finding joy, my children are a good example because I find joy in seeing them even when they are being irritating. How much more so does Our perfect Heavenly Father have joy in us, Zephaniah 3:17 tells us the Lord rejoices over us with shouts. Since the Father was delighted with Jesus, is it not true that since you are "in Christ" that He delights over you. Even in the midst of our problems and struggles, the Father is delighting to walk with us through these and do life with Him. We on the other hand just want to get over the latest difficulty, trial, or testing but are these not the places of intimacy with the Father. None of these are too much for the Father that has given us the power of the God in the gospel (Romans 1:16) to set us free in any circumstance. I pray that you would have your eyes open to how much He delights over you today right where you are.

In His Grace,
Bret

Transferred Out of Darkness

In Colossians 1:13 it says, "For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son..." This verse does not seem significant until you understand what it means to be in internal darkness. One meaning of the Greek word for darkness is "persons in whom darkness becomes visible and holds sway". Darkness comes in our soul where we agree with a core lie about our identity. People develop many ways to deal with this internal darkness, they may ignore it all together, wallow in self-pity, find a false comfort, or try to overcome it by performing. Unfortunately, I have flesh that tends to wallow in self-pity (a pattern I learned well as a child). The problem with pity parties is there is only one that seems to be a part of it, except for the Enemy who I believe enjoys paralyzing the saints of God. I am not going to let the Enemy win this battle, he will pay for his lying deception. Behavior does not change identity, only the nature of a creature can change identity. I had just ministered to a man who had received a call by God into the ministry, his life preceded to be very difficult for the 8 years that followed the original call. There was such an air of hopelessness, despair, heaviness, and total separation for the One who is love. This triggered a place in my heart where I felt this same way. This took me into a place in my childhood where I spent a lot of time in my house by myself, I sank into a deep loneliness and a feeling that I was there because "something is wrong with me." On this day I find myself battling this deep place of darkness and hurt, I seem to get some distance from it but then come back. It's as though I am slogging through the quicksand, yet God is at work in this because His Word tells me even though I don't feel like He is at work. This is a place where Divine Love seems totally absent, His love is the Kingdom of Light. I cling to the Word of God as my comfort in the midst of an internal darkness, somewhere inside I know God is removing this lie from my heart which has left me wounded. The Lord has promised me through Isaiah 45:2-3, that He would give me"... the treasures of darkness and hidden wealth of secret places...". We often think of wealth and treasures as being material blessings, yet in the Kingdom what is really valuable is relationships and most important of all relationships is with Our Creator. I am writing this with the prayer that someone else will find freedom from a place of darkness and enter into the joy of Divine Love. Our very life comes from a vital relationship with our Heavenly Father and union with our Savior Jesus Christ. The Enemy has tried to lay claim on us through the original Lie and all other lies but we are no longer of our father the Devil (The Liar). I am so thankful when my feelings have been commandeered by lies, that my spirit still knows the truth. I declare that I am the righteousness of God in Christ, I am a much loved son of the One true Father. I believe praising God in the midst of darkness brings us into a place of His light because God is enthroned on the praises of His people. We are all being changed from one degree of glory to another degree of glory, we have come from being dead to being made alive. It makes sense that our identity was geared according to the original Lie (in Adam) and we had a twisted view of God's beauty and goodness. Real love does not exist apart from the One who is love. I understand why Paul referred to salvation as running a race like a distance runner, we are day by day coming into the truth of who we are and some days are tougher than others. I again rejoice and the magnitude of the gospel to save us out of the dark, twisted, and distorted inner world produced by the Satanic Lie bringing us into the glorious family of the Trinity. I declare I am as much Abba's Child today as days when I am floating on the clouds.

In His Power and Love,
Bret

The Good Shepherd

The Holy Spirit was directing me to Psalm 23 where David talks about the Lord is his shepherd. I always am so drawn to Scripture that reveals the nature of God, God is light or God is love. While Jesus did not approach every person the same, His nature was always the same and consistent. I have read these verses in Psalm 23 before but I had not gotten a revelation of God as Shepherd. Many times on my journey with the Lord I have felt somewhat lost between my life changing encounters with Him. Fortunately, I have had many encounters with the Lord where He is revealed and my true identity is also revealed. The Holy Spirit began to touch me deep inside when I read the verse, "And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Somehow this began to build in me a security that had been missing in all my other relationships in life. I believe David was reaching into the New Covenant to have a taste of the kind of intimacy with God that those who were indwelt by the Holy Spirit would have. The fulfillment of the Lord being our Shepherd comes in John 10:11 when Jesus says, "I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep." As I looked up the meaning for shepherd in the original Greek, I found this explanation of a shepherd "A shepherd in the Near East was responsible for watching out for enemies trying to attack the sheep, defending the sheep from attackers, healing the wounded and sick sheep, finding and saving lost or trapped sheep, loving them, and sharing their lives and to earn their trust." I was struck by what a beautiful picture of the Lord this portrayed and how He relates to us as His sheep. This touched me deeply as I realized the Lord was taking me into a place in my soul where there were many lies of loneliness rooted in experiences in childhood. You naturally want to avoid experiences that are painful in your life but healing our wounds does involve pain but a different kind of pain than living in our wounds. I also have struggled to find rest because as my wife says, "you are always working on something in you." It is such an amazing Good News to receive that we are the righteousness of God in Christ right now and that we are sons and daughters of God. I seem to get caught up in striving to experience that which is already true, rather than to just rest in the finished work of Christ receiving all He has done. This is where know God as shepherd comes in because it is the shepherd that directs the sheep to eat, move pastures, defends them from the attacker, and heals their wounds. A shepherd is a nuturer of the sheep not just a hired hand to watch a bunch of animals. Shepherds in those days were heavily invested in caring for their sheep, even to the extent that Jesus said a shepherd would go after one lost sheep out of his flock of 100. In Psalm 23 it goes on to describe how the shepherd (God) leads the sheep to lie down in green pastures and beside still waters. In other words it is God who leads us to the good places to eat (receive from Him) and brings us beside still waters. If the water is not still then sheep can get swept away in the fast moving water. Both of these are all about God nurturing life in us by receiving the water of His Spirit and fresh revelation (Rhema) Word of God because in Psalm 23 it says that He restores our soul. The question is how does God restore the soul, isn't it through the New Covenant which is in the blood of Christ and executed by the indwelling Holy Spirit. The blood of Christ cleanses us from all sin, or death unified with Christ frees us from the tyranny of sin and the Law, the Life of Christ allows us to live in a new relationship with the Father, and the Holy Spirit leads us into all the truth of our union with Christ and new identity. I pray that God will give you a revelation of Him as your good shepherd (Jesus said only God is good).

In His Amazing Grace,
Bret