Children God's Gift

I was struck recently as the Lord had me share with a client that some step-grandchildren who had been brought into his life were redemption of his very painful childhood.  I shared with him Psalm 127 "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." and Matthew 18:5 "And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;" to show my client that God's view was different from his.  I have recently been cut to the heart by both passages as I realized that my view of my own children is far below God's.  I love my children dearly (Megan is 9 years old and Joshua is 6 years old).  As these passages were being revealed there was a deep pain as I realized that at times I have seen my children as a burden and a source of pain. Because Joshua and Megan touches the places in my heart where I was not fathered, I have at times seen them as a source of pain and withdrawn.  I have loved and embraced them deeply, yet a part of my heart pushes away because of the pain.  I decided I would share my life story with my daughter, take responsibility for how I have sinned against her out of my pain, ask her for forgiveness, and finally bless her.  Megan was shocked to hear that my father had committed suicide, she has known for a long time that he died when I was young.  The Lord is challenging my heart to see that through my children He is doing a wonderful work of healing and grace in me and in them.  Megan and Joshua will benefit if I am willing to humble myself to reveal my true heart because the word tells me "...for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble."  (1 Peter 5:5).  Megan and Joshua are often the trigger to these painful places in my life but they are not the source of my hurt.  Every opportunity to step into a place as a loving father, where I did not receive this type of fathering is a place of God's manifest grace.  Yet I am afraid I have backed away from these painful places often because I did not see what God was doing in my life.  I have sought God's healing grace in my life through much prayer, receiving ministry, going to conferences, and going to retreats but one of God's main ways of healing me (through my own family) I did not fully embrace.  I have had glimpses of this revelation but then gone back to my old view, it would have been great to embrace this before having children.  In Proverbs 13:22 it says, "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children."  I must believe that some of the work that the Lord is doing in me will not only benefit my children but especially be an inheritance for my grandchildren.  Redemption is often painful, yet it is the life that Jesus has given us because He is the Redeemer and He is in us.  When we agree with Him and walk in the revealed truth He gives us then we experience His nature in us.  I have fought this battle under the surface for many years, between my view of my own family and God's.  I choose today to fully embrace God's view which is bringing about redemption, rather than my view of pain and death.  This is how I can display the love of God to my children and grandchildren (who will be born some day).  I know that I am fully dependent on the indwelling Holy Spirit and the flow of grace to see this work accomplished.

In His Redemptive Love,
Bret

Chosen

Ephesians 1: 4-6 has come to mind several times over the last few months, the Lord says through Paul "just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him.  In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved."  At first it was easy to read this Scripture as text without getting the picture/revelation of what that really means for me.  I have always loved the story of the prodigal son and especially when the prodigal comes to his senses and the father runs out to him while he was still a long way off.  As I have been in this season of having difficulty resting and sleeping well, the Lord has been sifting out anxieties, worries, and fears.  I came to see that being chosen was something I really struggled with on a heart level.  The Lord worked through my marriage to expose that I was afraid to fully love because there was a deep-seated fear that this love would not be returned.  I began to see that I even felt this with the Lord, that I would love Him but He wouldn't love me back and then I would be heartbroken.  Through childhood rejections I had learned how to put a protective shell over my heart so I wouldn't get hurt again but this shell also has kept out those who loved me.  As I reflected on the passage in Ephesians 1 I realized that being chosen was not a minor issue but one of the most important truths in this New Covenant in Jesus Christ.  All the blessings and promises depend on a person being included in the Covenant through the blood of Jesus Christ.  If I choose God always trying to get in but He never chooses me then it is all my religious performance.  If I am a servant, then I can serve God without really knowing Him but if I am a son then intimacy is implied in the position.  If you have not had the experience of being chosen but most of your experiences were one of rejection, exclusion, and judgement then it is hard to receive these verses.  On a logical basis I could agree with Ephesians 1, my heart was far from this revelation because of all the rejection of the past.  When we adopted my son from Kazakhstan around 5 years ago it was certainly a wild journey to choose him.  There was the journey in prayer, discussions, lots of paperwork, praying through possible referrals, and then more paperwork.  This was the birthing process in our hearts coming to fruition, until we finally chose my son when we got the referral.  We felt so utterly weak when it came to choosing a child to be our son, so we put our trust in the Lord's guidance and even the Lord's word spoken through others.  I can still remember to this day when I opened up the email from our adoption agency of the referral, I looked at the picture and tears came to my eyes as my heart lept inside.  This is my son!  We had actually had two other referrals of two different little boys but there was no peace that these were our son.  We came to peace as we prayed and lifted these children up to be chosen by other parents.  Looking into the eyes of that boy in the picture, my heart already began to bond.  I tell you this story because this formerly orphan heart needed to be taught about being chosen, because I like my son didn't have a home for my heart.  Many seek security through good circumstances, a certain amount of money, a secure job, or even a spouse.  God's offer of security is finding a secure place in His heart as one of His sons or daughters, but we must be chosen.  How does God choose His sons or daughters?  I bet you there is no formula because God is so creative.  We must be free to choose because love is built on freedom, not coercion or manipulation.  Legalism cannot produce sons and daughters but only obedient servants that don't know the Father's business.  Where are you on your journey of being chosen by the Father?

Chosen In Christ,
Bret

Walking in the Light !

In 1 John 1 we are told that God is Light and told to walk and live in the Light so we can have fellowship with one another (1 John 1:5-7).  The word fellowship is the Greek word "koinōnia" which means communion, intimacy, and real community.  In other words we can't really connect with another person if we don't walk in the light.  I realized that I was a darkness dweller for so much of my life and have carried these old patterns into my relationships with my new life "in Christ".  I would be frustrated with my wife because we weren't able to connect but I was hiding my innermost feelings, thoughts, struggles, and concerns.  I was sowing that darkness into our relationship and then looking at her when it began to feel miserable.  Through the Holy Spirit's revelation I realized it had nothing to do with her but a relational pattern I developed growing up with my mom that I was still letting into my life.  The darkness has such a pull- to hide, not be exposed, appear okay, and not burden others with your struggles.  The truth is that way you don't have to risk rejection, judgement, or some form of punishment.  Only believers can be brutally honest, walk in the Light, and know there is Grace.  The problems, issues, and insecurities we have that are in the darkness often get so twisted and blown up to much bigger than they actually are.  As children of the light it is no longer our nature to take part in the deeds of darkness (Ephesians 5:8-13) or the perspective of darkness.  It is the perspective of darkness that leads to discouragement and despair, which seems to be one of the Enemy's main strategies against believers.  When we look through the eyes of Christ given to us through the Holy Spirit we see that there is always hope.  The Lord spoke to me one time and said, "There is no hopelessness in My Kingdom."  In the Light there is always hope, love, truth, freedom, and life.  So if you have places in your life where you dwell in the dark (secretive, hidden, or dishonest) then consider this an invitation to come into the Light (God) and experience being a child of Light.

In His Light,
Bret