Your Shelter

The Holy Spirit recently answered a prayer of my heart, which was to understand why I don't seem to rest.  As I listened to a message on "Displacing hidden core pain" Jack Frost talked about three primary fears that affect all of us:  the fear of abandonment, the fear of trust, and the fear of submission.  The Holy Spirit began to show me that I had been struggling with the fear of trust, which manifest itself in a lack of security.  Security is one of the core needs we have as human beings, this is part of the dimension of the love of God.  In Psalm 91 David under the influence of the Holy Spirit calls God his refuge and fortress, why would God be something for us if we didn't need Him in this way.  As the Lord has shown me the fear of trust in my life I have seen the elaborate system of self-protection that I have developed to guard the most vulnerable places of my heart.  I believe having a revelation of our fleshly ways of handling pain in our lives is necessary, so that we can agree to have God dismantle this in our lives.  As I listened to another message on healing the heart of the family, I was convicted by the Holy Spirit of how my protective lifestyle has robbed my kids of knowing my heart.  I have sought to be vulnerable but always on my terms and who I deem appropriate, maintaining a more composed front with my children.  This is a thin veneer because as I see many clients who have to later get real with their kids because their hiddenness was harmful to the kids, I know I will have be humble and broken before them at some point.  This could be one of the greatest times of God's love outpouring in our family, yet I have avoided this because I had justified my hiddenness by believing this was not appropriate for kids.  If my children don't know my history (in Adam and my family) they will not understand the difficulties they are facing.  Especially because my reaction to the pain and damage I have received has undoubtedly left hurts in their own hearts.  My son being adopted adds new dimesions to how our family heals because some of his wounds were not connected to me or his mother.  The farther I go as a believer the more I see that humility is the key to receiving grace, which means if you want a promotion in the Kingdom of God you go lower.  I have been wrestling not only with the area of broken heartedness that the Lord is healing in my life and pouring His love into (Romans 5:5) but also how to help my family be restored to the Father's love.  I am continually amazed at the depth of need for God's love in my heart but I am also thankful that God is a God of abundance.  I trust that as I pour out the pain, the mourning, and the lack of love in my own heart from a broken place as a child, that God will pour His love into me in a greater measure then what was lost.  We can do great damage to others if we are poor stewards of our sufferings, if we share in these sufferings with Jesus we are told we will share in His glory (Romans 8:17).  My prayer is that out of my wounds will flow healing to many other broken hearts.  Isn't this living the Exchanged Life, the death of our flesh and that out of His life within us life is given to others.

In His Love and Power,
Bret

Receiving Love

Why is it so hard to receive love?  Love by it's very definition has to be intimate but if we have been hurt in the inimate relationships of our life, then we very likely have a hard time receiving love.  Many who are more influenced by legalism believe that Grace is letting people off easy, how wrong they are because love/grace touches the deepest parts of our being.  I once heard someone say that to love someone is to meet their need.  So by God loving us, doesn't it mean meeting our deepest needs for security, affirmation/praise, significance and purpose, and expressed unconditional love.  We all have these deep needs that either we are seeking to open up to God and begin to let Him meet or we have learned how to meet through false comforts/idols sought by the flesh (people's approval, acceptance through position or power, identity through money, or other ways that people give us what we long for).  Yet all of these fail us at some point, I even sat across from someone who had been disappointed by ministry.  I have often heard people talk about the mistress of ministry, if I can just help others heal then I find my significance in their finding freedom until they can't find freedom.  The flesh is a terrible user of people and relationships, we long to love unconditionally but we can only give what we have received.  I find myself in a place where God is exposing that I don't fully trust love to open my heart.  I can blame my wife for some intimacy she has but the truth is I don't trust my heart to open up to love, I have learned to protect myself from being in those very exposed and vulnerable places.  Yet my defense system seems to be disintegrating, deep inside I long for the defenses to be gone and to be open and loved.  Yet there is still a part of my heart that believes this defense system has a little bit of life, so letting it totally go is like dying.  Somehow I still find comfort in this false security by protecting myself from perceived threats like a victim of a crime who is being revisited by the criminal.  Once you have been hurt deeply you have a radar detection for possible hurt again, yet Christ within me longs to out in the open where people can know me, love me, accept me, and also reject or hurt me.  This is an up-close look at the battle between the flesh and the Spirit.  I am thankful that I can sense a strength rise up deep within me of trust, love, and hope.  My spirit is not unopposed because the flesh has as it's evidence to protect all the pain from the past that is now surfacing.  This seeminly hidden pain is now becoming more obvious and this is place that I will have to go if I am going to be touched by the love of God.  Those who have a theology of God's love but no experience are like the sound of clanging gong, the truth is this where I find myself but I want my theology to become experience in my life.  It was the Greeks who tore apart knowing about something and intimately experiencing it, the Hebrews would say that knew something if they had both knowledge of it and experience.  In our Christian culture we throw around God's love like it is a common thing that everyone has truly experienced, yet I believe there are many (like myself) who have experienced a degree (some a very small degree).  When I read one of my favorite sections of scripture which is Ephesians 3:14-20 I love the part that says "... a body filled and flooded with God Himself..." (Amplified).  What a picture to be filled and flooded with God who is by definition light, love, and power.  This is no ordinary person, this is a person who has so experienced the love and power of the Holy Spirit that the other junk of the flesh (selfishness, insecurity, fear, anger, jealousy, envy, and control) is being pushed out.  Many like the message of the Exchanged Life because it makes sense, because their perspective of the Christian life really didn't work but how many of us are flooded with God Himself.  The truth is we as believers all have Him in us but has our mind, will, and emotions been renewed with God's revelation, love, and power.  Believe me I am not pointing any fingers because I am afraid to trust my heart to love, yet being at home in His love is such deep desire/longing that it hurts.  I believe His Word that He will bring me into fullness as I give Him access into these areas of deep inner pain.  I find that tiredness, some burnout, lots of needs around me are all conspiring to expose this inner pain wearing down my defense system that at least seemed like it worked before.  This produces an emotional rawness, vulnerability, and need within my own heart that drive me towards the pain and an encounter with the God of love.  At times I honestly want rest more than I want to go forward but this is a rest coming from my own efforts not the one He gives.  I long to be so at home in the Father's love that security is Him and He is unshakable.  I do not mean that I will have such a security that I will never have fears but I do believe His love will then be bigger than fears.  At times now it seems that the fears that rage inside are bigger than God, these strongholds must come down to enter into a deep rest.  I pray that my honesty and openness can help you along your journey with the Lord, that you may encounter love at deeper level.  We were made to be loved.

In His Love,
Bret

Who is this Father?

How we live our lives ultimately reveals the image of the father we are believing reigns in our life. I am not saying that this father is the true Heavenly Father, but it does reveal the image of God that we are worshipping. In Romans 1:23 says "exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures." Everyone of us have a functional image of God that we worship, in other words, where we get our needs met. It maybe a god that is absent, distant, and therefore has left us to fill our own needs. It maybe that this god looks a lot like corruptible man, specifically he may look like our fathers. Earthly fathers are a type of image to point us to the Father but if they were not yielded to God but to the Lie in the garden of being self-sufficient, in control, and god-like in their own eyes they can be very scary, unforgiving, and not very understanding. In my case my father's suicide early in my childhood (6 years old) gave me an image of an absent, uncaring, unloving, and unavailable god. While my earthly father is gone, he seemed to live on in my dark imaginings of who Father God is, even though I know the Bible well enough intellectually to argue with you that God is love, good, and kind Father. It is very frustrating to know intellectually all these amazing things about the character and nature of God, yet at the same time to not experience life transformation. James 2:20 says, "...faith without works is useless...", this often leads us to believe we need to go out and perform more self-motivated/fleshly works to prove we have faith. This is not looking at the context of scripture, Jesus tells us apart from Him (vital connection/abiding) we can do nothing (John 15). There also is a shift in the works from Old Covenant to New Covenant, the works in the New Covenant are done through the power and authority of the Holy Spirit (healings, deliverance, miracles, signs, and wonders). All of this to say that if we look at the works of God in our life and we see only a small amount of fruit, maybe the god we believe in is not the extravagant Father of glory. I know my life is a mix of both, at times the Father of glory is displayed through prayers I pray and works through me and then other times this image of god that is in the image of corruptible man seems to rule. The flesh has a god but it is not the Heavenly Father. As I was reflecting on one of my favorite scriptures I was amazed again to see the picture of the Father that Jesus paints in the story of the prodigal son (or two knucklehead boys and one amazing Father). Here is a son who wished his father dead by asking for his inheritance (a totally unthinkable thing to do) and according to Deuteronomy 21 (under the Old Covenant) punishable by taking him to the outer gates and turning him over to the elders to be stoned. By this time the people hearing the story Jesus was telling would be incensed that this Father would tolerate such rebellion and stubbornness in the prodigal son. Yet Jesus (who clearly knows the Father) continues with his story to describe even more carousing and loose living by the son before he falls into lack because of a famine (Luke 15). I amazed how we have elevated the prodigal son as noble, this guy is not acting in anyway noble even when he "comes to his senses" because he really plans a manipulative speech to try to get back in the Father's good graces. Reading the story in context you see this son hasn't totally had a heart change but has simply come to a place of lack and hunger, then he begins to head back towards the Father because he remembers the goodness of the Father. Too many quote these verse as though the prodigal came to full repentance (this is not the Greek word used), I challenge you to read the Word and study these Scriptures. It simply is not there. Remember God is the one who is incorruptible, man is very corruptible in his character. The prodigal son is simply saying that he could be one of his Father's hired servants and at least have three square meals a day instead of going hungry in his current circumstances. Many religious people are so focused on coming to God the right way, praying the right way, and reading enough Scripture when I clearly see a good Father inviting people to come in their desperation, hurt, and lack. The most amazing part of this picture of the Father is in Luke 15:20 which says, "So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him." Remember this son's heart is not pure, he really is coming to his father out of his own selfish need, not because he has totally come clean and is honest with himself and his father. I had a client who confessed that they had become a Christian (as a child) and even went to church but really spent their whole life not pursuing God. The Father began to give me a sense of His delight as this man had any desire to know God, this man is just beginning his journey back into the Father's arms yet God is pleased. Our standards of what God expects really are not His. I like this man continue to journey out of my darkness into the reality that this Father of light is as good as Jesus describes Him as being. I am also amazed that coming back into the Father's house means immediate blessing, identity, value, and provision for the prodigal. The prodigal son does not have to earn his way back into the Father's good graces, like we would make most of our children do if they pulled a stunt even remotely close to this scandal lived out by the prodigal. I am so grateful that through the Word of God the Holy Spirit is beginning to change my distorted, twisted, and dark view of the Father into the real picture of who He is. I know that I have a ways to go but I am so thankful that God is only going to get better in my heart and mind, rather than worse (picture religion paints of Him). I am committed to knowing the Father as He is, not according to any preacher, other person who claims to know God, or my circumstances. I am grateful for the Holy Spirit being my guide into all truth (John 16:13), rather than being guided by my own darkened intellect or by my own willpower. Also too often the image of god that I have leads me to be self-conscious, afraid, and lost in darkness. No where in the New Covenant is it said He leaves me in darkness but it does say if the eyes of my heart see darkness that is what I will experience (Matthew 6:22 & 23). I pray for myself and you that the eyes of our hearts would be enlightened (Ephesians 1:18). I am so thankful that the Father's nature and character are not going to change even if I have a distorted and twisted view of Him. I desire to worship Him in spirit and in truth.

In my Father's Arms,
Bret

Earned Righteousness?

As I was contemplating Good Friday and watching parts of "Passion of the Christ", I realized that there are times I try to earn righteousness. As a child I learned that being perfect in everything you do was the way to avoid rejection, the only problem is that kids are experts at making mistakes. I know in my head that I am the righteousness of God "in Christ" but living in this reality seems to escape my grasp at times. Today, I needed to do a routine task of swapping my snow tires for regular tires. As I entered the tire store I realized that I was overly self conscious and focused on saying the right things. This sounds silly I know but I learned this as a child that you have to work very hard to get people to accept you but this means following an unwritten set of rules. My mom had been raised in a home with a lot of control, rules, and intimidation. She didn't feel a lot of freedom to be herself but lived in fear. In Romans 8:15 "For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to slavery again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out 'Abba! Father!" Rules, control, and intimidation are all part of the spirit of slavery leading to fear. Jesus takes the standard of righteousness to a new level when He says, "Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." The Greek word for perfect is 'teleios' which means brought to its end. complete. The completion of righteousness comes in Jesus Christ, the final sacrifice. I have to admit that seeing myself as perfect (complete in Him) is difficult because it seems my character flaws are always in front of me. This kind of self-awareness is so destructive because the only view I want is how the Father of love sees me. At times it seems we have made a new religion of self-awareness and political correctness. Being in union with Christ means that we are lost in His love, His grace, and the joy of walking with Him. I still at times have an awareness of myself separate from Christ, like I am on my own in this world (what a terrifying mindset). Jesus said, "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:18) Which means we were all orphans trying to make our own way in the world til the Spirit of Jesus Christ came into our hearts and we were born again as sons and daugthers of God. I believe each one of us have an image of what righteousness (acceptance by God and others) looks like in our minds, when we conform to this image well we feel good about ourselves but when we don't we feel yuck. God announces through the gospel that we are free from these distorted/twisted images that hold us in bondage but appear like they will give us life. Instead we are the Word tells us, "...He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren..." (Romans 8:29). Also Romans 1:22-23 says, "Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures." We act according to how we see ourselves, Proverbs 23:7 says "For as he thinks within himself, so he is." So we live according to the images that we have of ourselves. So if I have this image of a good father always being loving and patient, never being angry or frustrated, the moment I get angry or frustrated I believe I am a bad father. Yet was God involved in this at all, no He is not in this created image because it wasn't made by Him but my own mind. These images come from many sources, for example our experiences as a child growing up, what others say about me, the images that are given by culture and friends, or even the images that are painted by church as what is righteousness. I pray that God would begin to free you from these images and give you revelation of who He is and who you are in Him.

A son in the Kingdom,
Bret