Self-security= No Security!!

As the Lord has taken me on a journey of challenging the security I find in my own protection (armor) and my own resources (our finances), I have been struck how fleeting security in yourself is. In the journey of support raising, we recently had a very low month which exposed deep insecurities in me (my flesh). As a child I did not feel secure in my parents love or God's love (I didn't know Him at the time), so I began to build a fortress for my own security. This included not trusting others but only trusting my own alarm system if I may be hurt, so then I would withdraw inside myself (my fortress). Though I did not like the loneliness of the fortress, the fear of being rejected and hurt seemed greater. I now am compelled by love and desire to reach out to those who are hurting or just need love. Yet at times I still seem to love my fortress more than I love others (through the love of God). My spirit is grieved because I know the real me, is the one that loves without barriers and does not withhold. I find God's answer is not one I like, it is that my fortress die so that the me "in Christ" is more free to love. This fortress has been much of my life, that I don't risk being rejected or hurt because then I will lose my security. It seems that God is bent on getting rid of my security, so that He can be my security. As I turn 40 years old and reflect back on my life, the greatest fruit has been as I have lost my life and given to others out of the love of God. These are truly when "lay up treasures in heaven" has happened, not when I did something led by my self-protective ways or fear. It is a strange thing to realize that you were "born again" to give your life away. Jesus says clearly "you cannot serve two masters, you will love the one and hate the other", He is right because when I am trusting in my fortress for my security I am mad at God's tug on my heart to love others sacrificially. I want nothing of the self-life but I find pieces of it resident deep within me, thank you to Jesus who has delivered me from the tyranny of the flesh. It is amazing how this struggle with finances has revealed such deep insecurities within me, even going back to being a baby. I am standing on Jesus finished work on the cross and God's amazing love. His love includes finding a deep security in Him. I declare that He is my security, my rock, and my fortress. I stab through the heart my false security (the fortress) for it has only sought to separate me from my true heart and leave me alone. Maybe you have a fortress that needs to be brought to death, that you may truly live. This new life is all about really living, death is on the way to resurrection life. I am thankful that no matter what we are going through there is resurrection on the other side, it may not include change in our circumstances right away.

In His Amazing Grace,
Bret

Living in the Present

I seem to find it easy to get stuck in the past or fearful about the future but all of this robs the joy of the present. Paul says, "...for me to live is Christ..." This is written in the present tense, we are to experience an awareness of Christ in this very moment. It seems silly to some to need to be aware of Christ in every moment, for others this seems like a Law but still for others He is a necessity. In Christ's first major sermon, He begins with saying "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." To be poor is not desired in our society but the poor do understand something, what it is to be thirsty and hungry. It is out of desperation that I believe the poor in spirit discover the kingdom of heaven, because they are willing to do anything for life. I could definitely lament about the past and there are enough uncertainties in the future to get me anxious, yet this moment is the one where there is life and Him. I can't say that I am very schooled in how to live in the moment because my gaze has been one way or the other. We have been forgiven of all our sins past, present, and future; we have been brought out of death into life and finally we have been embraced by God through the Holy Spirit. I find that His grace is so huge and yet I find that I need His grace for every day's challenges and hurdles. Being a tenderheart and sensitive my heart can be affected by the weight of sin's consequences on hurting people. To enter into human suffering and not be consumed, I must keep my eyes on my Jesus. He alone brings life and hope in the darkest situations. Jesus is the light, if we take our eyes off Him we are left with the world in the darkness and without hope. I heard one author and counselor talk about allowing the client to only go on so long about their pain and hardships, then turn all eyes to Jesus. Since the Word of God defines Christ as life (1 John 5:11), all other ways of defining life are ultimately deceptions. Sometimes in our religious world we can get close to Jesus but be far away at the same time: WWJD (What would Jesus Do?) - leaves me to figure out what Jesus would do and try to do it (in my own strength), statement of faith/doctrine (good to have truth but the person of Christ brings life), study the Word (great but do you encounter the Word became flesh), and so many other word oriented sermons where we don't encounter Him. I am not being critical, simply saying that my heart cry is to know the living and resurrected Christ daily. Can you feel and experience that His blood (the Lamb's) is flowing through you at this very moment, He is alive and living His life in you. Will we yield to His love, His power, and His life in us? It is so easy to get distracted in life with the kids, budgets, people's issues, my own issues, disappointments, worries, and all the concerns of modern life but do you see Him today? Listen for His voice, His voice is often still and small but full of love and life.

In His Grace,
Bret

Never Alone!

I am amazed at the truth Jesus speaks in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." It was one of those days when I felt utterly alone in the world with my problems, issues, circumstances, and barriers. Some days it just lands on you and it seems hard to keep your head above the water. Yet just because this is my experience does not mean it is the truth, Jesus said He will not leave me as an orphan. So often God would say to those He called, "I will be with you". He said these words to Moses, Joshua, Gideon, and then the ultimate to the disciples when He says they (we) will be one with Him just as He and the Father are one (John 17:23). I realize the times I have real difficulty is when I begin with the belief "I am all alone", then you fill in the blank. We were not designed to live life on our own, we were designed to be live in the reality of God's love and provision all the time. I have had so many experiences in my childhood where the lie "I am all alone" was planted in my heart, so now there are many times when these lies get triggered as an adult. It is amazing that as I am about to turn 40 years old this year, I can still feel just like that 7 or 8 year old little boy. I take great comfort that Jesus said in Matthew 18:3 "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." I believe we have a lot of believers acting like adults but inside they are really like little children hurting inside and in need of a loving Father. Shall we come to Our Father like little children, be vulnerable, in need, weak, and trusting? Or shall we put on a religious face and pretend to be together. We were at a birthday party for a sister in Christ who goes to our church and we spoke with some friends we had not seen in a while. The wife commented to me she had always admired my desire to seek God, in a moment of vulnerability I told her it was out of utter desperation and brokenness. She commented that we are all in that same place of desperation but others just don't admit it. I see the people that Jesus continually lifted up as an example to follow were those who came to Him desperate, thirsty, hungry, and longing. These all depended on Him in a way that left them either to be rejected or received, Jesus received each of them. Jesus was not able to receive those who rejected Him because of their lack of vulnerability. Walking by faith does not mean we become religious, distant, and unhuman. I am convinced that the gospel of Grace allows us to be human, imperfect, flawed, weak, and yet be loved by incredible love that not only receives us but changes us into another person. I think sometimes we believe it would be so great to have someone who truly understood everything we are going through and was right with us. This is not a dream but a reality, the Spirit of God is with you right where you are. It is not searching for His presence but acknowledging the truth of His presence by faith, so you can enter into experiencing His presence moment by moment. What a privilege it is to be the Temple of the Holy Spirit and to bring His presence where ever I go. Sometimes I still believe the challenges, difficulties, and trials I face are greater than His presence but this is a lie. As I said in an earlier posting, I believe the greatest privilege is knowing Him and that begins by awareness of His eternal presence with us and in us. The obstacle in our path is often not removed until we experience His presence, then our perspective on that obstacle changes (faith), and then it is time to release this faith toward the obstacle. What ever you are going through in your life right now, He is with you and He loves you. God is bigger than whatever mountain we face, but we must choose to see Him.

In His Amazing Grace,
Bret