Self-security= No Security!!

As the Lord has taken me on a journey of challenging the security I find in my own protection (armor) and my own resources (our finances), I have been struck how fleeting security in yourself is. In the journey of support raising, we recently had a very low month which exposed deep insecurities in me (my flesh). As a child I did not feel secure in my parents love or God's love (I didn't know Him at the time), so I began to build a fortress for my own security. This included not trusting others but only trusting my own alarm system if I may be hurt, so then I would withdraw inside myself (my fortress). Though I did not like the loneliness of the fortress, the fear of being rejected and hurt seemed greater. I now am compelled by love and desire to reach out to those who are hurting or just need love. Yet at times I still seem to love my fortress more than I love others (through the love of God). My spirit is grieved because I know the real me, is the one that loves without barriers and does not withhold. I find God's answer is not one I like, it is that my fortress die so that the me "in Christ" is more free to love. This fortress has been much of my life, that I don't risk being rejected or hurt because then I will lose my security. It seems that God is bent on getting rid of my security, so that He can be my security. As I turn 40 years old and reflect back on my life, the greatest fruit has been as I have lost my life and given to others out of the love of God. These are truly when "lay up treasures in heaven" has happened, not when I did something led by my self-protective ways or fear. It is a strange thing to realize that you were "born again" to give your life away. Jesus says clearly "you cannot serve two masters, you will love the one and hate the other", He is right because when I am trusting in my fortress for my security I am mad at God's tug on my heart to love others sacrificially. I want nothing of the self-life but I find pieces of it resident deep within me, thank you to Jesus who has delivered me from the tyranny of the flesh. It is amazing how this struggle with finances has revealed such deep insecurities within me, even going back to being a baby. I am standing on Jesus finished work on the cross and God's amazing love. His love includes finding a deep security in Him. I declare that He is my security, my rock, and my fortress. I stab through the heart my false security (the fortress) for it has only sought to separate me from my true heart and leave me alone. Maybe you have a fortress that needs to be brought to death, that you may truly live. This new life is all about really living, death is on the way to resurrection life. I am thankful that no matter what we are going through there is resurrection on the other side, it may not include change in our circumstances right away.

In His Amazing Grace,
Bret