Groaning not grumbling!

In Romans 8:23 the Word says "And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body."  People often grumble that life is not what they want:  their job is unsatisfying, their kids are not what they hoped, marriage is not all they hoped, church is unfulfilling, vacations are not as good as the brochure says, and life basically is not the stuff of dreams.  We all grumble at times but I was struck that grumbling is really making a commentary on my life.  So why is there such a lack of joy around us and maybe even in our own homes.  I believe because the life we long for does not exist first here but in heaven to then be manifest on earth.  In another words without heaven's resources we pretty much have to follow a statement my kids made, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit".  But I believe the Bible is giving words to our grumbling but we tend to come to the end-result of our grumbling and accept it as fact.  The Word of God does not stop there because this groaning that is described going on in us who have received Christ, ultimately is to result in our adoption by God (bodily redeemed).  In other words this groaning has a purpose it is for us to be adopted as sons and experience bodily redemption.  I don't believe this is just to "poof" happen at the second coming but rather we are in this process of becoming "The Bride of Christ" til we fully become and He returns.  I am in a season where I really feel the groaning within myself, where I long to be so much more than I am today and experience so much more of who He is than I do today.  In my heart's eye I see a radically loved son who is free from the fear of rejection and loves others with strength, risk, and compassion.  What I see really manifest is small steps of boldness, many other steps of fear and intimidation, discouragement, frustration, and a hope that the next day I will manifest Him more fully.  I think I am beginning to see that since it is God who put this life in me in the first place, it is up to Him to more fully manifest His life.  I recently went to hear a woman speak (Heidi Baker) who has seen 1 millon come to Christ, daily cared for 10,000 orphans, seen miracles, and loved the least of these.  My heart soars to believe that some day I could be something like this amazing person but then sinks with all my unbelief, fears, and apprehensions.  This amazing person calls herself "little person" with a Big God.  I am calling on a "Big God" to change this little person (me) into a radical lover of Him and others.  In my more clear moments I can see that the "groaning" is an indication that Christ in me is coming forth.  Why does the birth of the "New Creation" have to be so painful and why does the baby get stuck at times?  I long to walk in the manifest presence, power, and love of God but the waiting is painful.  This groaning does not seem to fit into church or discussions of daily life, it is a deep and raw groan.  My wife recently described her hunger for God and I looked at her like:  "You have that too?"  She described an almost insatiable desire for His Presence that has not been easily satisfied or even expressed by others.  Sometimes I am so aware of the groaning that I can't seem to function in life but I always ssaw it as past pain I needed to work through, rather than this person I am becoming.  As we understand the New Covenant we see that we are "in Christ" which means we have a new identity, yet there is this tension because we realize we have a lot of lies about our identity.  These lies make up what is "our truth" about ourselves and the life I currently function in, yet the Holy Spirit inside of us is bursting to be more through us than these lies.  Groaning.

Groaning,
Bret