Love the Darkness or the Light?

Recently the Lord revealed to me that as a child I learned to love the darkness, "...men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil." - John 3:19. No child naturally loves the darkness, like a dark room or even being alone but can begin to find a cover there. Growing up in an environment devoid of faith, lacking love at times, filled with loneliness, and with the air of death (due to my father's suicide) led me to look for shelter in the dark by hiding. I learned how to hide inside, not get my hopes up for fear of disappointment, grumble and complain, and be downcast and discouraged. As I woke up I was struck by the fact that there is a draw to the darkness. I recently watched one of my favorite series, "The Lord of the Rings", in this trilogy there is a creature Gollum (who was a simple man formerly) who's mind is poisoned by the "Ring". The "Ring" is symbolic of the power of sin that draws us to get our needs met independent of God and to use other people for our own purpose. The "Ring" is evil but it has a draw, to such a point that Gollum calls it "my precious" and begins to secretly scheme to get the "Ring" back from the Hobbit Frodo who is going to destroy it. In one scene Gollum is arguing with his flesh and his identity as the more benevolent Smeagle, there is a veil of darkness and secrecy around his schemes. Every person in the movie who encounters the "Ring" is drawn by it's power, the darkness holds a draw. For some it is power, for others it is significance in another's eyes, for some it even holds out hope, and for others the belief that they could wield it's power for good. Yet all who would seek to use it's power are themselves taken over by it, it is only Frodo who is yielded to destroying the "Ring" who can carry it. I realized through this journey that there was part of me (flesh) who desired to be hopeless, downtrodden, and stuck because to hope once again and risk failure leaves you vulnerable. See I learned the safety of the dark, don't hope and you won't be disappointed, don't express strong desire or you could fail, and don't reveal your true self or you could be rejected. I am thankful that Jesus chose to enter into my life as me to save me out of my darkness, sin, selfishness, and all that I was connected to sin being my master. I am thankful that the new person I am "in Christ" loves the Light and the One who is Light. There are lots of veils that bring darkness whether it be religious performance, addiction, avoidance, isolation, image management, enmeshment in relationships or hiding behind a position. I believe that real freedom comes as we are fully known by God and others and our true self is accepted.

In His Light,
Bret