A Man's Divided Heart

As I just finished a marathon conference this weekend on Healing, Deliverance, and Disbelief. One of the speakers said you should get a T-Shirt that says, "I survived Randy's Conference." It was indeed a marathon with many of the days lasting 14+ hours a day. I got a ton out of the conference but also found myself with a heavy heart, as I had once again sacraficed my family on this altar. No guilt or condemnation but I am realizing that Julie and I have a call on our lives together in ministry, this has not been fully realized. Going to the conference had been in some ways a step towards us being in seperate directions, her the kids and me in ministry. To be quite honest we are not sure what this call is but know that it is something deep in our spirits that we are asking God to reveal, confirm, and empower us to walk. We have found that we struggle with "balance" and looking at this call from "practical eyes" instead of trusting the Lord to also take care of the details. This led me to explore the struggle that tears at many families, which is the curse that came on the ground in Genesis 3:17-19. As a result of the Fall and sin's entry into humanity which not only brought death and a curse, we see that Adam's attempts to work the ground to produce for his family is under a curse. Clearly the Word does not say that Adam is cursed but that the ground is under a curse. I recall what the Spirit had shown me, believing The LIE (self-sufficiency) leads men to try to attempt to get their life, identity, and value from their success at their chosen profession. Remember though that curse doesn't necessarily mean immediate death but instead moving in that direction. What does all this mean for families? I believe it means that when men turn to work as a source of identity, value, and worth then they are following The LIE and thus it is cursed. This just means that men are led to spend increasing effort, hours, energy, and other resource towards working which then takes away from family. The only true balance comes from Christ's headship in our lives through the revelation and leadership of the Holy Spirit. Under the headship of Christ in 3 John 1:2 we see a different way. John under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit tells us: "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in every way and [that your body] may keep well, even [as I know] your soul keeps well and prospers." I heard this weekend that us prospering is tied to our soul prospering (according to Bill Johnson). And since Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law (Galatians 3:13-14), so that "in Christ" we might receive the blessing promised through Abraham then we are freed to prosper in all ways (see Deutoronomy 28). Often curse simply means getting what everyone else in the world system gets, rather than supernaturally prospering. Prosperity has gotten a "bad rap" but this is not a prosperity gospel but instead life abundantly in all areas as Jesus talked about in John 10:10. After all this wonderful news it takes the revelation of the Holy Spirit to make this personal. I am still seeking the Lord to show me where I maybe believing lies and thus not walking in the Spirit. As one of God sons I don't want to be torn between the Kingdom of God and family; I believe the Kingdom of God is to be in evident in my family, my ministry, my friendships, and all of life. I also once heard it said that there are areas of work that we have grace for or are anointed by God. In these areas the passion of God through the Spirit empowers us.

In His Grace,
Bret Rutland