Unashamed

Why does it seem that there are moments when we are open, unashamed, and are walking in the light only to skulk in the darkness another moment. I am convinced that all of our deepest fear is really be known and seen without any protection. As I had been reading in 1 John 1:6-7 I began to see that walking in the Light (God) means that we don't choose to dive for the darkness. As I searhed my own heart for the reason I dive for the darkness, it was revealed that self-protection (living as a spiritual orphan) is the reason. When I or others perceive possible rejection, hurt, or abandonment we use self-protection to stop this from happening but then the Word says when I walk this way I lie. I must lie at some level to protect myself, like I am "fine" when I really have had a rough day or simply don't share the latest storm going on inside. The lie I believe like "I am inadequate" protects me from having other people see me fail. If I believe the truth, "I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me" then I could fall flat on my face. I am amazed that I have such a deep desire to be loved and yet protecting myself and walking in inner darkness seems to be so tempting. This is hard stuff and yet when I dare to believe that God is as good as He really is and loves me I experience glorious freedom. It is learning to abide in this love and be unashamed. For it is His love that washes away our shame as we come to Him just as we are and receive His grace. The more I see of His grace the more my mind is convinced of His love but it takes the nudge of the Holy Spirit to invite the little boy inside to walk in this love. God is not mad just sad that we won't trust the depth of His love. He has already bestowed on His acceptance in Christ (Romans 5), His blessing (Ephesians 1), and called us His beloved. We do have an Enemy otherwise this inner turmoil makes no sense, his plan is our destruction, death, and to rob us of life. He brings thoughts that lead us to choose the folly of self-protection and life in the darkness (which is really a form of soul death). The Enemy knows if we truly discover the love of God that we will be bold and begin to invite others into this same freedom. As I look at the life of Jesus in His humanity I am shocked by His open display of weakness, emotion, love, joy, heartbreak, disappointment, betrayal, and even agony. He is truly our model for humanity, yet I find in myself and others both a deep desire to live this way and a very real terror. I see that grace is an invitation to abandon ourselves not to serving God but to an exquisite and bold love. I have learned so well the ways of self-protection and darkness that I am still learning a whole new way to live. I pray that this may encourage you on your journey and that we will choose together to walk in His love.

In His Amazing Grace,
Bret